29 November 2008

Sweet November?

Everything seems to happen to me during the month of November, and I dont mean like in the movie Sweet November. How Charlize Theron plays a cute and humble yet nontruthful, ulterior motives, leave you while you pine because those are the rules type of woman.... No no no my life is not lived at all that way.... unless you call my abnormally high expectations overly dramatic.

Big things seem to happen to me each November:

*I bought and moved into my trailer in November
*I was promoted in a job in November
*I went to Australia in November
*Had my wisdom teeth yanked out in November
*Got a boyfriend in November
*Lost a boyfriend in November
*Road tripped in my recently bought truck to Banff Canada in November
*Was hospitalized for a horrible infection in a gland in my throat in November.

Im sure Im leaving lots out and all this didnt happen in this current year but that is just an idea of some of the life altering events that have happened to me throughout Novembers of my past. Is it conspiracy?

November, sweet November. Perhaps there is something in the placement of the stars in that exact year, month, day, second, who I am, who you are, how the molecules are reacting to the current weather conditions of why these actions take place in November.

Maybe our brain patterns kick into high gear, right after settling down from summer fun but before we settle into hibernation for the winter. Something in November kicks out a work order to get er done! Or it could just be my brain patterns, and I just seem to notice more things happening during this time of year.

Ever moving, never idle and the current thought floating in my gray matter is: Wow, it is already November! Perhaps Charlize Theron knows something that I dont about all the Novembers out there. So while I'm not planning to be dating a man a month to teach them what they need to learn, but instead to learn and teach myself how to take risks and see things for what they really are is the true lesson about November.

What will next November bring?

23 November 2008

Dear dear Abby

Do you ever find yourself tempted to whine a little bit to dear Abby? Not many annoyances end up irking me so much as to give me a need for an an outlet so that others may hear my plea, but I must admit greatly annoyed I have been in recent times.

In accordance with true dear Abby style we will call man #1 Richard. Richard is my landlord, oh no you say a landlord story. Well as a tenant in my neighborhood I do my duty to pay my rent in a timely manner, follow rules to the best of my ability and keep to myself most of the time. I have always gotten along nicely with "Richard" but in the last eight months have taken on a new job. A job I like, a job I am good at, a job that is mine.

Lately every single time I encounter Richard (to pay rent, or just at the local coffee shop) he dives straight into a particular conversation about: when I applied for that job 10 years ago (and didnt get it) they told me I needed a college degree.....blah blah etc, this conversation can drift along for a good 10-15 minutes if I dont bat my eyelashes and politely excuse myself all the while brimming with irritation with the smile that is fakely plastered onto my face.

And Richard isn't the only one! Into the story comes "Ned" I'm not sure what Ned does for a living but Ned seems to have an intuition (oh I left an important part of the story out, I have "routes" that I do different times during the month) Ned has the uncanny ability of knowing exactly when I will be in his neck of the woods. Ned greets me, and it would be cute if he didn't also slip into the reminiscent ploy of: when I applied for that job, they told me I wasn't fit enough.....

Yes you have to be fit to obtain my job, yes you have to be smart to have my job, yes you have to know how to deal with lots of people who you will encounter with my job, but I might lose my head if I don't find an alternate way of keeping myself from screaming at these guys: ITS NOT YOUR JOB ITS MINE!

Most likely I will not end up sending this little outburst to the dear Abby column in the near future but oh doesn't it feels better to rant and rave about it. I really am not looking for someone to give me hints at how to solve my own dilemmas, I just wanted to give a little shout out to all the Richard's and Ned's in my world. Maybe a little ego statistical but: I see you guys, and the job is all mine.


17 November 2008

Where is my sunshine

Why is dating in Sitka so frustrating?

Well for one thing population could be problem number one, 8,500 people. Divide that in half (only assuming that half the population is male and half the population is female) thats 4,250. Half of that number is most likely kids (under the age of 18) so that brings us to um.... 2,125. My personal estimate out of that number of people who are out of my age range (aka over 35 in my opinion is in a different phase of life therefore surely trouble) is probably divided by 2 once again. Which brings us to 1,062. Out of those 1,062 guys Im going to guess that one out of every 4 already has a girlfriend, wife or significant other. So where in the heck are these 265 guys who are not taken. With my luck out of town in college.

Or worse, problem number two is the ones that are here are druggies, alcholics, or both. The sad statistics of living in a small town on an island. Sigh.

No wonder so many girls in town are scooped up by coast guard guys. Not to put those girls into a category, I mean who wouldnt want a man who has a job, is clean looking, driven, has goals, has had a great education with more possiblities awaiting them? Of course most of these qualities come with the side effect of big ego. No thanks. Not to write all "coasties" of my list, as I am sure there are some great ones out there- but once again my point of they are already taken rears its ugly head once more. Plus moving shop every four years is not exactly attractive to me. Double sigh.

The dating scene here leaves one with something to be desired. Point blank, most people cannot define the word "dating." Here dating turns into something a tad more serious, somewhere along the lines of boy/girl friend and sharing the same straw/schedule/bed within the week of starting to "date." To me dating is simply getting to know one another. With the possibility of more potential as time trots on.

I am in love with living in Sitka. But truthfully it is also a place where loneliness can be an unwanted stalker. No matter how many corners you cut and duck behind, I dont think it grasps that you are trying to be evasive. That you fill up your time with fun outdoorsy stuff, and cooking delicious meals, teaching yourself new and exciting hobbies, maybe even devouring a tasty novel with a nice soothing cup of sugar free hot chocolate.

But the stiffening loneliness is still there, waiting to jump you from behind and suck the potential kisses you could be giving out. Lingering if you even think about snuggliong and curling up with all the warm desires and dreams we seem to develope throughout the bone chilling winter. Finding us while we explore our opportunities to share those delicious meals, to read a story aloud with and to explore a new hobbie or two if time allows. To create our own traditions and smile and giggle and laugh until the sun shows up where you least expect it. To do all the outdoorsy things which make southeast Alaska worth living in.

Dating is still Frustrating. Tell me it isn't wrong to want someone to share all of these unspoken energies with. Tell me it is all worth it. I know my sun is out there.